When feeling of sadness arises, or when feeling of resentment arises, we would all consider our reasoning to be well justified! He/she treated me like this, how could I not be sad? He/she treated me in such way, how could I not feel resentment? [May I] ask such resentment and sadness are negative or positive emotions? For sure [they] are negative, and negative emotions are harmful to people! Who will be harmed? Of course, the harm would be inflicted upon ourselves! We harm ourselves and yet consider it to be very well justified, why? Because he/she treated me in such way, therefore, I am sad and feel grudged! However, sadness and grudges would only befall our lives further into the abyss of suffering, won’t they? So what approach [can we] take to stop feeling wretched or stop resenting other people? [We] must adjust our perception on the thing/matter/issue/object, as described in the phrase, “if you conquer the single mental state of anger, it is like vanquishing all your enemies.”
Global Lamrim 2, Lecture 0020
What is our usual reasoning when feeling of sadness or resentment arises ? What approach can we take to stop feeling wretched or resenting other people ?
When someone says or does something that we do not like, our usual reaction would be to feel hurt or feel angry towards this person. Even when we work with others in the Monastery, some people will do things not according to the way that we want them or tell them to, so when they do something differently, or when their thinking is completely different, then we will feel angry, thinking why this person just could not understand instructions.
So actually I believe that for most of us, we have already started to use the approaches that Master and Teacher have taught us, to stop feeling so angry, even if we cannot stop getting angry completely, I think our anger will be very much reduced.
One of the approaches that is very effective is OMAK. When someone makes us angry, we will not only just look at the point or that certain thing that he or she is causing us to be angry, but when we use OMAK, we can also remember that this person actually has a lot of other good qualities, that this person has also contributed in many other ways. This is an approach that we have all taken before to lessen our suffering and even find happiness in many situations.
Another approach that we can apply is to turn inwards and examine ourselves. Our eyes are always drawn to look at others, so now at least when we cool down, we are able to self-reflect. With a clearer mind, we will be able to find out the cause of the issue that is causing the conflict.